“How to Ooze Charisma”

Most people over-talk, and cannot control their need to talk (especially about themselves).

When we over-talk, we are subconsciously trying to get energy from people. We talk too much when we are seeking attention or acceptance, trying to be cool, and trying to impress. This is why it is so tempting to over-talk…and why others avoid us when we do.

Visualize James Bond, Agent 007, for a moment. Can you imagine him over-talking?
Here are some classic examples of over-talking…

Preening your ego:
“I can’t hang out because I’m evaluating the National Volleyball team in November, so I’m too busy.”
“I already maxed out on my bonus for the year and it’s only January.”

Talking to entertain yourself (and boring others):
“I had a salad for lunch today…”
“Last night I dreamed…”
“I learned something fascinating about my palm pilot today…”

Talking down to people by letting them know you are superior:
“Have you seen my new Lexus convertible?”
“You just got back from Vegas? I’ve been there many times.”
“You work for IBM? I know the President.”

Complaining, gossiping, and being overly dramatic:
“I can’t believe he didn’t talk to me. What a jerk!”
“After everything I’ve done for her, she didn’t even send me a birthday gift.”

Instead of over-talking, smile warmly, and ask the person what’s going on in his life. Say something like, “Your boss told me you love Star Wars. How come?” When you ask questions and listen, you’re basically nurturing others. But you’re still having fun, because you get to pick the topic.

It’s an easy way of approaching conversation with confidence, knowing that people will relax and open up to you, because they know you’re not an energy vampire…

Light it up out there, Lisa Brown is the founder of the Courage to Win and is considered the world's leading expert on deep mental toughness for success in career, love, and sport. She has personally coached over 7,200 achievers to new heights and conducted over 1,300 live seminars on mental toughness across North America. She has been featured by major media including the New York Times and Entrepreneur Magazine, who called the Courage to Win “a straight-forward guide to success, highly recommended.”

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