Are you easily hurt? Do you worry what people think of you? Learn the surprising reason people reject you and how to shake off your need for approval once and for all.

relationship1-1024x680by Lisa Lane Brown

I’ve found that the less love and appreciation you’ve gotten in a relationship, the harder it is to let go of your rejection pain.

Why?

Because you’re not winning with this person, and you’re competitive.

You want to win.

You want to get the love you deserve.

And giving up your rejection pain feels like losing. This is natural, and I feel your pain…I really do.

But right now, your priority is not winning (not yet).

Your priority is making yourself confident and strong so you are capable of getting the love you want.

That’s why you MUST cure your need for this person’s approval.

You start with total honesty.

I talk to people all the time who are lying to themselves.

They’re pretending they don’t care about approval.

At a dinner I was at recently, the host announced: “If someone doesn’t approve of me, I just dismiss them.”

Now this is a bit naive. Deep down, we all want approval.

We actually need it, because life is a team game.

Want a job?

You need the boss’s approval.

Want to be the boss?

You need your team’s approval.

Want to be married?

You need your spouse’s approval.

You get the idea.

Ok, so you start by acknowledging your desire for approval.

Now what?

Now it’s time to change your mindset.

Up until now, you have been COMPLETELY buying into this person’s opinion of you.

And because you’re getting rejected, you’re questioning yourself.

Questioning that you’re a good person.

Questioning that you’re attractive.

Questioning that you’re sexy.

Now, questioning yourself isn’t always a bad thing — IF you need to change.

That’s why the second step is to determine if you need to change.

What were you REALLY like in the relationship?

Did you listen to this person and consider his feelings?

Were you generous (without being passive)?

Did you give him emotional space? Or were you clingy?

Were you selfish? Cold? Defensive?

Were you argumentative? Stubborn? Narcissistic?

If your behaviour was a problem, that’s Ok.

Remember, you’re a work in progress. You’re entitled to make mistakes.

BUT…

If you were lovely — and you know it — then stop questioning yourself.

You don’t need this person’s approval.

You only think you do.

You’re questioning yourself because it’s a habit – a habit you’ve had for a very long time.

It’s actually easy to give up the habit when you decide to think for yourself. Most people have a hard time giving up this habit.

They stay emotionally dependent on people who don’t treat them well. They may go so far as to “attract” bad situations and rejection pain.

They do this because they are still do not really know WHY the other person is not responding to them.

Here is the secret reason a person who supposedly loves you is avoiding you, acting unfriendly, or is just plain turned off:

On a fundamental level, you do not accept him or her.

You might have deep feelings of love for this person, but you have not learned how to accept him yet, warts and all.

And, he knows it.

You see, people want to be around us based on how they feel in our presence.

If they feel judged, inferior, or not accepted on any level, they will shrink from us.

(Remember: I am talking about people who love you, not people you just met or hardly know you. If you are getting rejected by these people, that is a different matter).

Consider the person whose approval you so desperately seek.

Deep down, do you fundamentally accept himÉ

If not, you have some work to do. Or, you can make peace with the fact that until you accept him, he will truly approve of you.

But you cannot have it both ways. You cannot secretly judge a person as inferior, or narcissistic, or flaky, or selfish and then be shocked when he is not that pumped about you.

And, if you want in-depth training on the principles of Relationship Mastery, you can make rejection pain a thing of the past and have enduring love, friendship, and passion in your life.

My Relationship Mastery Program helps you take emotional dependence and replace it with confidence. Your relationships will seem easier, but it will be you who has changed.

Get more information on my Relationship Mastery program here.

Your friend,
Lisa B.

How to save your marriage

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Roy and ShannonRoy and Shannon
I’m not sure exactly why things ‘clicked’ with Shannon like they did, but they did in a big way. I feel a spiritual connection to her I cannot explain. I love her with all my heart. The circumstances of our lives when we got together two years ago were extremely challenging, and we could not be together the way I’d hoped. I became impatient and acted in ways that were not myself, and we broke up. I was devastated. This is when I searched and found Lisa. Lisa showed me how to deal with my emotions and communicate in such a way that unlocked Shannon’s heart. In turn, she became more forgiving of me. Today we are in a committed, loving, amazing relationship and just got married! I can’t tell you how happy I am, and she is too. We have developed a deep and loving relationship that is in no small part because of your coaching.  I found your advice invaluable!

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Priscilla PettitPriscilla Pettit
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I feel immensely lucky to have found Lisa as a coach. After my ex-husband left me and I was in crisis and had been looking for more than my therapist offered (great listening but very little for action items), I found Lisa. We embarked on an extraordinary journey, Lisa finding critical and key insights into what had happened in my past, my old patterns, and, importantly, how I could break out of these perceptions to find the confidence I was looking for. I am deeply indebted to Lisa for the incredible work we did together. She is absolutely the reason I found myself again, found love again, found inspiration again, found a way to break out of an old mold – it was time and Lisa broke through where therapy could not. I owe her so much. If you are looking to turn a corner in your life, to find momentum again, to be confident in yourself, look no further. Lisa’s coaching is nothing short
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Frank LandiFrank Landi
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Can’t get out of your own way? Neither could I… Until I started working with Lisa. It is by no means an exaggeration to say Lisa is the most forthright, insightful and challenging life coach anyone could ever dream of. Lisa remembers things about me even I forgot. She will never let me lie to myself. She helps me understand and focus on my goals, and make consistent progress toward them. I succeed far more than I fail, and I owe a great deal of that success to my relationship with Lisa.

Shannon Hart
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I have met with Lisa for years now and she is the most caring, compassionate, and genuine person that I have had the pleasure to know. She helps me become a better version of myself after every one of our sessions. The best part is that Lisa has given me the confidence to overcome adversity in my past and has given me the tools to build a successful future for myself and my children. Thank you Lisa!.

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GEOFF MOYSA Geoff Moysa
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Lisa’s course has changed the way
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LEAH HEPNERLeah Hepner
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This course is changing me. It is changing everything about my life. I have learned how human beings work…not just in sport but in life in general. I have taught my family about the things you teach me. They are mesmerized by what I read them. To understand human emotion changes the way I think and look at myself, and others around me. I am growing.

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I am a former Wall St. investment banker, so relatively smart. I had the incredible good fortune to find Lisa about 7 years ago. I had just gone thru a horrible divorce that brought on the onset of bi-polar. I basically was bed ridden for almost 2 years. Though I had both a psychologist and psychiatrist they did nothing for me. When Lisa 1st started working with me, I some how knew my life was about to change for the better. She did not talk in psycho babble, but rather genuine concern and a desire to do for me what needed to be done. Though there were many times I would cry uncontrolably to her, she would always simply listen. She is by far the best listener I have ever come across. Because of Lisa and only Lisa I have gone from being almost totally bed ridden to a point where I have gotten my 2 beautiful children back {I lost both during this period}, I have friends that I go golfing and fishing with as well as dinners and clubs. I once again have a life, that at one point before Lisa, I tried to end as the pain was too much. Bottom line–Lisa saved my life. If you are having issues of any sort, you will not find anyone more compassionate and willing to do what ever necessary to help. She is worth 100 of my psychologists and psychiatrists. Perfect example–I was having issues with my ex-wife and was emailing Lisa all kinds of stuff over a 4 day period. Instead of waiting for our regular appointment on Friday, she called me on Thurs. to do what amounted to an intervention get me thru it. This is who she is. There is an old saying but accurate when it comes to this incredible woman–they just don’t make em like that any more. I simply will never be able to thank
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David Kramer David Kramer
Working with Lisa through the end of a difficult relationship was in many ways a life saving experience. She allowed me to see things from a perspective that I was not able to do on my own. Taught me the skills I needed to process all of the hurt and pain associated with the relationship and my past. Her guidance and support provided the skills I needed to move forward positively, and the confidence that the end of my marriage was not the end of my life. I highly recommend working with Lisa if you are struggling in a relationship, her guidance and support are invaluable!

Richard Adams
My relationships have benefited greatly from Lisa’s coaching. Like all great coaches, she sees what is missing and what is required to improve. She pushes me past my comfort zone and provides insights that allow me to respond to situations appropriately.
This has made all of my
relationships happier!

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Tags

approval, approval in a relationship and marriage, approval in relationships, need for approval


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