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Want To Get Your Ex Back?
How To Stop Your Romantic Rejection or Divorce
"Exactly Why A Marriage Or Love Relationship Ends
And What To Do About It"
Lisa Lane Brown
Author, Stop Romantic Rejection Now
If you want to get your ex back or are experiencing a painful break-up of any kind, my heart goes out to you. I believe this is one of the most painful events you can experience--sometimes even more than the death of a partner, precisely because it is voluntary.
The second thing I want to say is, Please take heart. I will show you how to get back your ex in a way that is ethical and pleasant for you both.
No matter what your situation, or how much depression or anxiety you may be experiencing, there is always hope. Like you, I too went through a painful break-up that lasted four years.
However, using the principles I will share on this website, I was able to stop my romantic rejection and am now happily married to this same person.
I have since coached hundreds of people in the art and science of how to get an ex back. In cases where this was just not constructive or healthy, I helped them break free emotionally and find love again.
Why This Is Happening To You
One of the reasons a divorce or relationship break-up is so painful is because we genuinely do not understand why we are being rejected.
I have seen this in every client I have worked with. No matter how convinced you may be that you understand why you are being rejected -- I can guarantee that you do not grasp what is happening emotionally within your ex.
Sometimes, even your lover or spouse does not completely understand why he or she is rejecting you and therefore cannot possibly communicate properly.
In other cases, your ex does know, and has tried for years to tell you want the problems are, but because you were afraid or stubborn, you haven't had real empathy for him or her.
Believe it or not, the purpose of a break-up is to evolve you as a person--whether you want to evolve or not.
Either a) this rejection is teaching you to be more self-reliant and self-appreciative by asking you to move past this rejection, or b) the rejection is telling you that you must learn how to adjust better to a partner--or you will suffer rejection again.
Even Hitler Was Loved
On April 28, 1945, Adolf Hitler married his long time mistress, Ava Braun. That same night, Hitler tested out a cyanide pill on his pet dog, Blondi, because Soviet troops were closing in on his underground bunker.
Just two days later, on April 30, Hitler and Braun went into a private room and took their own lives with the cyanide tablets. Braun could have become rich by writing her memoirs, but she didn't want to live without Hitler.
That there was a person who killed herself rather than be without Hitler shows us the most important relationship principle. (I wish to stress that by NO MEANS do I condone Hitler, undoubtedly the most evil person of the century).
I am merely pointing out that people do not gravitate towards you because of your "personality." They gravitate towards you based on how they feel in your presence.
This is why you can be madly in love with a person one day and divorce the very same person five years later.
The Principles of Successful Relationships
Years ago, a sports reporter accosted golf legend Jack Nicklaus and told him that golf was primarily a game of luck, not skill. Jack said, "Yeah, and the funny thing is, the more I practice, the luckier I get."
Just like in business, wealth, and sports, there are natural laws or principles that govern success in relationships.
If you want to trigger love, friendship, or attraction in another person, you can learn these principles.Follow them, people will give you the love, respect, and appreciation you deserve. Violate them, and people will avoid you, no matter how attractive you are.
This is exciting.
It means that you never have to secretly fear that YOU are unlovable.
By learning these principles, you can be successful with anyone, including a person who has rejected you before.
Every client I've ever worked with to stop romantic rejection always makes the same mistake. He (or she) tries to convince his ex that they are 'good together', and that his ex is 'making a mistake' and she should give him 'another chance.'
He then gives a long list of reasons why the relationship is so wonderful, including how much he loves her. This is a classic error that never works...ever.
To reverse any rejection, you first need to find out
the underlying reason why your lover or spouse is leaving.
The goal at this point is not to reconcile, because security
does not lie in being in a relationship.
Security lies in having a strong connection with the other person...a connection in which she trusts and feels passion for you.
That's why the goal right now is to get to the truth of your lover's experience of the relationship.
This is still a mystery to you, whether you realize it or not.
If you argue with him or her, you're missing this basic goal of getting to the truth. And it's one of the central reasons you're being rejected: because you weren't open to this truth during the relationship.
The more you argue for a reconciliation, the more you're demonstrating that you're not interested in your lover's truth.
This is bad.
It causes your spouse or lover to conclude, once again, that he or she cannot trust you, because you're not listening.
The second reason this approach doesn't work is that you're demonstrating fear.
Now fear is perfectly Ok, especially when you're feeling traumatized by rejection.
But in romantic relationships, confidence is universally attractive, and fear is universally unattractive.
So nurture yourself through your fear of rejection on your own (I'll show you how).
Don't make your fear your ex's problem. This will only make him or her feel guilty...and the last thing you need right now is to be a big bag of guilt in your ex's mind.
So how do you trigger good feelings in your ex and get back in the game?
You set a brand new goal, one that is worthy of both of you...one that leads to the truth.
Your new goal is to fix the problems in your relationship--except you're going to do it inside a friendship with her.
Tell her this. Say, "I've been pressuring you to get back together, and I realize that this is making you uncomfortable because it's not what you want. Although I'd prefer to stay married to you (or reconcile), I can see you're not happy.
So, I've decided to accept your decision and start dating. If it's Ok with you, though, I would like to be your friend...A genuine friend, not the kind who pretends to be your friend but leaves you if you decide not to reconcile. One of the big reasons I want to be your friend is because I want to fix the mistakes I've made.
In a way, I made a mess of things, and I want to clean up my mess.
I want to have a friendship with you in which I fix the mistakes I made in our romantic relationship. Then I won't make the same ones in my next romance."
After this conversation, you will be in a much better position.
You will have taken the pressure off her, making her more relaxed around you. You have also shown confidence by backing off.
Soon enough, you will finally have an opportunity to get to the truth and start mending the relationship.
And here's the really cool part.
Either you'll fix the problems between you and get back together, or you'll fix things and you won't care about getting back together, because whatever evolving you needed to do is done.
Either way, you win...first, because you transformed a troubled relationship to a healthy one, and second, because you're not confused and hurt anymore. You're confident that you can turn any relationship around.
If you're sitting there thinking, "But Lisa, I don't WANT to be friends with my ex. I just want him back, and it would kill me to watch him be single."
If this really is your agenda --to just get your way, and you don't really care how your ex feels or why he REALLY left you, and you aren't interested in cleaning up your mess, then I can't help you.
Why? Because you won't benefit from my information. The timing is just not right, for whatever reason. Or, this person is not the person for you. When it's the right person, you'll climb Mt. Everest without a Sherpa to get her back.
But, if you grasp what I'm talking about, here's the next piece of the puzzle in getting your ex back...
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