Lead Like the Horse Whisperer
Dear Friend,
Monty Roberts, who inspired the film The Horse Whisperer,
says that human beings are fight animals. When we do not get what we want from people,
we try to dominate them until they acquiesce.
Horses are a prime example: for centuries,
men have tortured, beaten, and frightened horses
into submission. When someone is not giving us the affection,
respect, or help we think we deserve,
we are tempted to move into fight mode.
We complain, criticize, and lay guilt trips. This is very aggressive behaviour, designed
to frighten the other person into giving
us what we want.
There is a better way to get what you need
from people than aggressiveness.
It's called assertiveness. The best technique
for assertiveness is to make requests,
which means you ask for what you want. The key to an effective request is to
state it like a question
and include a date for its completion.
Let's imagine you supervise Sue, who procrastinates
on booking conference venues because
meeting planners rarely return her calls.
Here's a solid request: 'Sue, can you please
call your list of meeting planners today?
And, can you report back to me
at the end of the day on your progress?'
By stating your request like a question,
you will get either a 'yes' or a 'no' from Sue.
This is called a promise. Making requests is preferable to criticizing
because you aren't venting on Sue and
attacking her self-esteem.
Besides, if you think about it, criticism
is really a request anyway. You want something,
but you've lost hope about getting it,
so you become aggressive.
By making a simple request, you stay focused
on the issue at hand and keep Sue's
trust.
Of course, if the person still refuses
to help you, you need to uncover her or
his resistance. (Handling this challenge is the subject
of my next article.)
Mental Toughness Lesson
Pick an issue that you have criticized
people for in the past. This week,
instead of complaining, make a request.
Refrain from the temptation to vent your
impatience or frustration, and
assert yourself instead.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your friend,
Lisa B.
|
