Develop Inner Resilience
Dear Friend,
Midnight, in the middle of winter, ski instructor
Stu Diver had to listen -- helpless --
as his wife Sally drowned by his side.
Stu and Sally were engulfed in a landslide
while sleeping in their ski lodge in Thredbo, Australia.
They were trapped beneath several metres of
rubble and mud. Then water burst from the pipes, and Stu
found himself trapped in the horror
of listening to his wife's death.
Silence followed. For more than two days
Stu lay immobilised alongside his dead wife,
in sub-zero temperatures before rescuers
heard him.
Freeing him took another 12 hours.
Stu later said, 'In my heart I knew it was
Sally's will, her resilience of spirit, that gave me
the strength I needed to hold on when all logic
told me hope had vanished.' How did Stu manage such resilience in the face
of this trauma?
By confronting his sadness directly.
In an effort to rebuild his life, Stu returned to
Thredbo--even buying a house overlooking
the site. He says, 'Some people might think it's strange,
but I don't. Thredbo is a small place and if I'm
going to live here, I have to get used to it.'
How to Develop Inner Resilience
Stu instinctively understood that resilience means
healing yourself of trauma, and that healing
begins when we confront our sadness
without resistance.
The best therapist I ever met was brillant at getting
her clients to do this. As soon as a client connected to
his inner sadness, loss, or disappointment, she'd
stop him from talking and say, 'Let yourself have that feeling.' The client would breathe a major sigh of relief, and let himself
have the sadness. Healing soon followed.
Sometimes, we are burdened by a loss, and winning is simply not possible. In these situations, we must confront the sadness of the loss without resistance. This is the essence of healing and inner resilience.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Your friend,
Lisa
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