How to Handle Setbacks in Sport

Dear Friend,

       Q. Lisa, how do I stay positive when faced with challenges in sport?

       A. You don't.

       When faced with setbacks, challenges, or problems in competition, you will naturally feel angry, frustrated, and disappointed. This is because anger is desire contaminated by helplessness.

       You want to win and perform well, but because of a setback, you temporarily feel powerless to do so. If you realize how natural your negativity is in these situations, you will stop putting pressure on yourself to feel good when you are not performing well.

       Rather than telling yourself to be positive when things are collapsing around you, ask yourself for optimism instead. Here's why: being positive means finding something good in the situation, e.g., 'It's great that I lost that competition because I need a day off.'

       The problem with trying to be positive is that there may not be anything good about the problem you are facing. Optimism is not being positive.

       Optimism is the ability to find hope by believing that the challenges you are facing are temporary. If you follow football, you know that the New England Patriots got off to a rocky start in 2006.

       One cause was the subpar play of Tom Brady, New England's Superbowl MVP quarterback. Brady finally admitted that the trade of a top receiver and the loss of other offensive players upset him and the team.

       But, like the champion he is, Brady is viewing the slump as temporary. In the middle of the slump, he said: ''We'll improve everybody's state of mind and body language. It will be good for our confidence to go out and play to the level we're capable of.'

Mental Toughness Lesson

       To find optimism while losing or playing poorly, release yourself from the burden of trying to be happy and positive right away. Instead, just try to be optimistic. Find as many rational reasons as possible to believe your slump is temporary. Then, quietly channel your anger into performing better.

       Soon, you'll have something to celebrate, and your confidence will return.

I'll talk to you again soon.

Your friend,
Lisa B.